THE EXTROVERTED WELL-ADJUSTED MALE GOLFERS' CLUB QUALIFICATION EXAMINATION
1. Poor people have no money because they're _______.
- weak and lazy
- fat... well no, not fat, but lazy
2. My favorite activity back in my frat days was ______.
- going to the driving range
- getting chicks drunk and watching them fall over
3. As the president of Wacky Widgets Inc., I had to cut our time in meetings down to ______ hours a day.
4. If you shoot an 83 on a rainy day with only your 7 iron, you are ______.
- a honky
- deserving of heaven
- a fat white dude
- ready to buy a new Mercedes
5. In high school I was voted most likely to ______.
- be a salesman
- be a salesman with lots of chicks falling all over me
- be in charge of everything
- always have a glazed look in my eye and laugh too loud at dumb jokes
6. I only talk to ______.
- other people who look like me
- loud obnoxious people like me
- people who look like they're going places and aren't slackers
- people whose last name is Smith
7. People who commit crimes however small should be _____.
- hanged publicly
- castrated slowly and surely with a butter knife
- immediately stomped on, and if they have long hair they should be given a crew cut
- arrested, indicted, found guilty and punished by becoming my caddy
8. My pastor says that in heaven everyone's a CEO and golf clubs are free. When I am in charge in heaven
I'll also add ______.
- free cognac
- big huge suburbs with neat tidy lawns and no goddamn condos
- a newspaper that has 39,048,753,498,753 pages in the business section
- limo rides to the club where you can never shoot higher than a 68
9. When my girlfriend won't meet me for dinner, I prefer to _____.
- just go home and listen to my wife yell
- call one of my other girlfriends
- clean my clubs
- clean Smitty's clubs
10. My favorite bumper sticker is ______ .
- "Poets are freaks"
- "The Jews did it!"
- "Bring back Ike"
- "Golf books are great. Let's burn everything else!"