My name is Dr. Adam Sleeper, a psychiatrist and part-time zookeeper. After reading your page I have concluded that you need 23 years of psychotherapy from a psychiatrist and part-time zookeeper. Let me offer you my special discount rate of $150 per hour. You'll have to come in three times per week at least. I promise that after 23 years, I can make you just as neurotic as anyone else.
Dear Dr. Sleeper,
Good, let's start now. This is my problem. I have an irresistable urge to urinate on psychiatrists. Would you like a sample?